Randy Quaid: Ishmael
Ishmael : You really should try to quit, Mr. Munson. They say it's bad for your heart, your lungs. It quickens the aging process.
Roy : Is that right. Who's done more research on the subject than the good people at the American Tobacco Industry? They say it's harmless. Why would they lie? If you're dead, you can't smoke.
Ishmael : [after losing a game] Mr. Munson, you all right?
Roy : [calmly] Ish, uh, what happened in there?
Ishmael : Well, I don't know. Um, I thought I played pretty good. Uh, he's just a little better than me, that's all.
Roy : Pretty good, huh? 186.
[loses his cool]
Roy : You lost to a club player! What - that's not supposed to happen! You're carrying a 270 average!
Ishmael : Wh-wh-wh-what do you expect? I mean, you guys with your 10 frames.
Roy : [angrily] What do you mean, "you guys with your 10 frames"?
Ishmael : Well, my grandpa always taught me to bowl 15 frames. It's like I told you before, we Amish, we do everything half again as hard as you do. Ten frames.
Ishmael : That's for Quakers.
Ishmael : [to Ernie McCracken] I don't know who the heck you think you are, but if you don't wiggle those child-bearing hips out that door in 5 seconds, you're gonna find your nose sniffing my big Amish ass!
Ishmael : Hey everybody there's a shit cloud coming! Run for your lives!
Roy : Yeah, sure, Thomas can raise a barn, but can he pick up a 7-10 split?
Ishmael : God blessed my brother to be a good carpenter. It's okay.
Roy : Yeah, well, he blessed you, too, and I'll give you a clue what it is. It's round, it has three holes, and you stick your fingers into it.
Ishmael : [He points his finger into Roy's face] You leave Rebecca out of this, mister!
Roy : I'm talking about bowling! Your future!
Ishmael : No way. Uh-huh. There's no way I can bet. It's against my religion. I was raised to *not* be a gambler. There's no way I'm going to bet.
Roy : Hey, hey, Ish. Ish! *Ish*!
Ishmael : No. No! *No* way!
Roy : Hey! Listen, you stupid banana head! You don't have to bet. I'll bet for you.
Ishmael : Oh, that's cool. I mean, what's the worst that can happen?
[Roy agrees by gesturing with his hook and then looks at it awkwardly]
Ishmael : I didn't want to be the one to tell him, but with those narrow hips, that girl couldn't have more than 6 or 7 children!
Ishmael : Some corn stalks were broken and I tried to fix them.
Ishmael : Hi Mr. Skidmark.